gratitude

This is the section of my website where I write about my life, the people in it, and the thoughts I think.  I write about what inspires me, tortures me, and all the mundane beauty in between.  

Tonight I am tortured over an email I have to send.  I have to send the credits for my new release bandaids to my friend Chris Krieger to finish the layout and design before pressing.  

When I released 1:37am I thanked everyone I've ever met in the liner notes because it was important to me that nobody go unrecognized.  I thank people in the liner notes of my records for a lot of reasons...sometimes it's because they have done something integral in the making of the record, sometimes they've offered me money or other generosity in my pursuits, and sometimes the people I thank have just been an important member of my life and have therefore contributed to my perspective/ process and in turn my music.  

This time, I am doing everything on a tight budget.  I will be selling download cards as well, but (unlike many of my peers) I am not quite ready to switch from hardware to software and abandon "the cd" altogether.  I will be doing a short run and saving money wherever I can on the packaging.  As a result, I have had to edit my acknowledgements on the cd and I have decided to publish the long version here, which is much more apropo in my mind, so here we go...

I made this record with two of my dearest friends. I bought some gear and recorded my vocals and guitars in my sister’s bedroom at my parents’ house. Then lin and I met dave in Regina, where we recorded the drum and bass tracks at Twisted Pair Productions, an incredible studio.

Back in Alberta, we found musicians and set about recording the feature instruments for each track. We recorded in a garage, a home studio, a living room, a spare room, and my dad’s shop. Finally, we met at my parents’ home studio in Falun and mixed the tracks.  

First, thank you again to all those people I thanked in 1:37am for your continued love and support.  Many people gave me their money to help get that record manufactured and I never forget that, as I never forget the people who were my friends and allies from the start.  I would also like to thank everyone who has supported me by coming to my shows, buying the records, and valuing the work that I do. Without this support, an artist isn’t heard.  You gave me a solid foundation on which to build and I am forever grateful for it. 

This was the most fun I have ever had making a recording. My sincere thanks to the amazing musicians who make these songs shine.  You were so accommodating: inviting me into your homes with my gear, charging me a rate that I could afford, and putting your whole heart into these songs.  I am so honoured to have worked with each of you and hope to do so again. 

Special thank you’s to Chris and Nick at Deluxe Design Group for their extraordinary photography and layout, to Cara for creating and managing my beautiful website, to Jennifer Paterson for her mad editing skills, and to Frazer for saving me from the platinum brush cut and making me look normal since 2005. You’ve all been amazing to me since the beginning...thank you so much for sharing your talents with me and asking for little to nothing in return.  

RAWLCO Radio funded this project and made it all possible, so I may give them the naming rights to my firstborn.  Also thank you to Neil MacGonigill for your valuable advice.  I hope to work together at some point, now that my focus is clear.

Also many thanks to my friends at CKUA, CBC, CJSR, and CJSW for playing great music on the radio.  

All my love and gratitude to: my one and only, my reason, my heart, Rowan; my fantastic parents Janine and David; my favourite siblings Alison, William and Kate; my perfect niece Elizabeth; my perfect nephew Ben; my perfect goddaughter Aria; Aria’s perfect brother Henry; my dear, true friends Allysha, Russ, Sondra, Michelle, Jadon, Jodyne, Mary (my first mentor and the woman who convinced me I might just be awesome), Dominique, Patty, Cohen, Jackson, Levon, Dave, Randi, Heather, Andrew, Carol, Andy, Carmon, Lorne, Lori, Jenny, Leslee, Beth, Tina, John, BJ, Norah, Lee-Anne, Sandy, Colleen and Leon, Simone, Fred Houtstra, the Farrells, the Blacks, the Belecs, the Hermansens, the Woods', and the van der Kamps; my NZ mum Adrienne; my NZ family Gerard, T, Noreen, Gabrielle and Nonie; my grandparents Olga, Al, and Peggy; my grandfathers Jim Whenham and Harold Colburn (never forgotten, always loved); my aunts Sheila, Kathleen, Colleen, MaryLou, and Dianne; my uncles Allan, Rob, and Roly; my cousins Kyle, Lyndsay, Jennifer, Julia, Greg, Sarah, Cara, Brian, Kaitlyn, and Jessica; my four-legged family and friends Sadie, Jacob, Marley, Hector, Oliver, Simon, Orion, Maggie, Pauly, Bee, Blue, Bill, Rezy, and Copper; and my secret weapon. My life is full and beautiful and you are all to blame.  A huge thank you to David, who helped me decide to make this record the way we did.  My mirror, my confidante, my favourite crazy maker. I love you tons.  

My last thank you and all my love goes out to my lin, whose brilliance and beauty are surpassed only by her generosity of heart, and who continues to be my constant companion in music and life. If lin elder hadn’t believed in little old me, I’d still be a security guard.

That's it, folks.  

coles notes: I am long winded and very grateful.  love love love.

Yes, I did fall off the face of the earth for a while.

October 26, 2008 was the day my father said, "it's cancer."  My world stood still and so did I.  When I started to move again, everything was different.  Making records didn't seem so important anymore.  In fact, doing anything that was just for me didn't seem important at all.  I spent my father's illness, treatment, surgeries, and recovery telling god that I still needed him and keeping busy at all costs.  We accomplished a lot during this time, renovating mom and dad's house, making many improvements to the property and out buildings, and keeping up with the day to day.  Somehow in the middle of all of this, lin and dave managed to motivate me to make this new record.  When it was finished, we called it bandaids, because at the time I felt like there weren't enough in the world to hold me together.  I was still on hold though, even when the doctor told us, "we got all the cancer".  I couldn't move forward.  I still wrote in my journal, but didn't publish the entries.  I started to play shows again in early 2010, but didn't really promote them.  I was going through all the motions of my former life, but without a shred of passion.

Three years to the date after my dad's diagnosis, October 26, 2011 was the day I finally started to move forward.  I published the shows and journal entries to this website (over 70 new postings between July 12, 2008 and now), I finished my album credits and sent them away for layout, and I made plans for manufacturing and releasing the record.  I am working on tour ideas with david j and look forward to going on the road again.  The renos on our rental house are in a "close enough for jas" state of completion, we have the firewood for winter, and there are no emergencies or crises that require my immediate attention.  Things are okay and I am going to bloody well take advantage of it.

You will see me on a stage near you soon with drop cards for members of the digital era and pretty new records for those of you who want to kick it old school with me.  Thank you for being my friends.

"...and life moves on, through endless misery and beauty."  lin elder

the songs on the new record

Just a brief rundown of the songs and why we chose them.


let him fly, by patty griffin
This song really spoke to me.  You can't push a  rope.
faith, by george michael
I have always loved this song and wanted to tell the story in a different way.
little white lie, by me
I wrote this song about losing myself in love.
right after my heart, by roy forbes
Roy Forbes came up to perform in Fort Nelson when I was a kid and I was in awe of his storytelling and singing.  I was thrilled when lin suggested this beautiful song and hope I've done it (and Mr. Forbes) justice.
dear jim, by me
Inspired by the passing of my grandpa and my process toward becoming comfortable with death.
god only knows, by tony asher and brian wilson
An old favorite that I wanted to shed new light on.
bandaids, by me
The title track, the song that sums up everything about where I was when we made this record.
old souls, by paul williams
A friend brought this song to me, which I instantly wanted to record because I loved the lyrics but found all the former recordings too...theatrical?
a love song, by me
I wrote this for Will and Kate's wedding, so it's their song, but I also wrote it about my Rowan, so it's our song, too.

Dr. Harold Nelson Colburn

My grandpa passed away this morning.  I am so, so sad for my mom and her sisters and for my grandma.
My grandparents had the most beautiful relationship I have ever seen.  They spent 63 years married to one another and there was still love, adoration, respect, and beauty between them.  He was a giant among men, he was loved by all who knew him, and we will miss him.

I'll be going to Ottawa with mom in the beginning of November to spend some time with Grandma and the rest of the family.  I am so grateful that I kept searching until I found for myself the love Harold and Peggy had in one another.  I am so grateful I had them to set that example.